And Now the Moment You've All Been Waiting for
I don't know.
You're wondering how it went, and my only answer, sadly, is "I don't know". Let's start with what I do know, and then build from there.
I do know the conversation had many awkward silences, but that's to be expected on a first date. I do know we didn't immediately "click", but that's so rare it's practically fantasy. I do know we're two very different people from two very different worlds. I do know I thought her a little older than she is (I guessed 24, she's 22.) I do know she thought me a little younger than I am (she guessed 29, I'm 32). I know she's moving away in November, and I'll likely not see her again (yet she still accepted this date). I know she had a much harder time coming up with things to say, but that as much as I tried to give her talk time, and asked lots of questions, she was either nervous or simply had nothing to say, so I felt the weight of the conversation mostly on myself. I know I babbled on too much, as I always do, because I'd still rather fill that silence with something than have it sit there putting pressure on us both. But I kept stopping and asking questions, trying to discover as much about her as I could, and to give her as much talk time as I could. And I know she tried, as best she could, to do what she could with that time.
I know she's very different than I expected in many ways, though I wouldn't characterize her as better or worse, just... she's much more unique than I expected. In some ways, she's just what I guessed. In others, she's very different. She's quite unlike anyone I know. And in any case, she's now passed from fantasy to reality. She's still got a lot of mystery left to her, but at least she's a real person in my head now, and not the enigma she was for so long.
What I don't know: did she have a good time? I've no idea. She could be sitting at home right now going "wow, he's BORING", or she could be sitting at home saying "he's WEIRD", or she could be at home saying "*sigh*, how can I get him to kiss me?". I've no idea. I could not read her body language at all (and I was paying attention). I could not read her tone of voice at all. She is so unique compared to other women I've been around, I really found it impossible to read anything out of anything she did or said. Nadda. Zippo. I am in... the... dark.
Am I still interested? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes. Will it happen again? I've no idea. I suspect that the onus for a second date will fall to me asking, which I likely will, and there's sadly no way to go about it with any less fear of rejection than the first time, since I really didn't get any kind of impression for how she feels. I could get "no thanks". I could get "SURE!".
I just don't know.
You're wondering how it went, and my only answer, sadly, is "I don't know". Let's start with what I do know, and then build from there.
I do know the conversation had many awkward silences, but that's to be expected on a first date. I do know we didn't immediately "click", but that's so rare it's practically fantasy. I do know we're two very different people from two very different worlds. I do know I thought her a little older than she is (I guessed 24, she's 22.) I do know she thought me a little younger than I am (she guessed 29, I'm 32). I know she's moving away in November, and I'll likely not see her again (yet she still accepted this date). I know she had a much harder time coming up with things to say, but that as much as I tried to give her talk time, and asked lots of questions, she was either nervous or simply had nothing to say, so I felt the weight of the conversation mostly on myself. I know I babbled on too much, as I always do, because I'd still rather fill that silence with something than have it sit there putting pressure on us both. But I kept stopping and asking questions, trying to discover as much about her as I could, and to give her as much talk time as I could. And I know she tried, as best she could, to do what she could with that time.
I know she's very different than I expected in many ways, though I wouldn't characterize her as better or worse, just... she's much more unique than I expected. In some ways, she's just what I guessed. In others, she's very different. She's quite unlike anyone I know. And in any case, she's now passed from fantasy to reality. She's still got a lot of mystery left to her, but at least she's a real person in my head now, and not the enigma she was for so long.
What I don't know: did she have a good time? I've no idea. She could be sitting at home right now going "wow, he's BORING", or she could be sitting at home saying "he's WEIRD", or she could be at home saying "*sigh*, how can I get him to kiss me?". I've no idea. I could not read her body language at all (and I was paying attention). I could not read her tone of voice at all. She is so unique compared to other women I've been around, I really found it impossible to read anything out of anything she did or said. Nadda. Zippo. I am in... the... dark.
Am I still interested? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes. Will it happen again? I've no idea. I suspect that the onus for a second date will fall to me asking, which I likely will, and there's sadly no way to go about it with any less fear of rejection than the first time, since I really didn't get any kind of impression for how she feels. I could get "no thanks". I could get "SURE!".
I just don't know.
posted by unfoldingsoul at 12:31 AM
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