Stop the Madness

One quick glance at MSNBC's website this morning was all I needed to reaffirm for me the culture of glorified violence that contributes produces asshats like the numpty that killed 33 people yesterday in Virginia. Come watch the videos. Come hear the commentary from survivors of the last similar massacre. The highest death toll from a single mass killing in US history, but to see the way it's portrayed, you'd almost expect to here a booming "Saturday Saturday Saturday! Massacre Madness!" booming in stereo through an echo-chamber to accompany it.

They have a name! They have a name! You know what? I don't want to know his name, and neither should you. Stop letting fame be their reward. Stop letting their "purple explosion" (thank you Elliott Leyton for the fitting image) be their mark on this world. Give them no name. Take their name. Or if we give them one, let it be one no one would want, or let it be a number. Make that a new law: multiple-murder means you're cremated, no grave, and the papers will only print you as "Asshole #74". People who knew you in the past will wonder where you've disappeared. No one will know anything about you. You don't get to bring other human lives to a premature end and somehow elevate your own.

Obscurity.

That should be the reward for such cowardice and nothing more.

Absolute anonymity.

Malaise

A new blogger dash board! Oooooh. Aaaaah. Seems blogspot was bought by Google, I guess? I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. Speaking of Jack's complete lack of surprise, this reminds me of that slow motion pull-away shot in Fight Club where he says when space exploration ramps up it'll be the corporations that name the planets and such.

So.

I'm trying to get back into this writing thing, but it's gonna take a few (hopefully only a few, and hopefully it works) addle-minded rambles like this to get used to the idea again, I think. I've got some ideas where to begin, but I'm not certain even about that.

I've been in a kinda restless/foul mood the last 2 days, and other than the fact that I've not slept well (which is kinda a chicken-and-egg question, really) I have no explanation. I wish I did, because I think it worries LA that maybe I'm somehow troubled about our relationship or such, but I'm not. It's nothing to do with her, or in the least, I don't think it is. But being I can't say exactly what it is I guess technically I can't say with certainty what it isn't. (Cause then, by process of elimination... glad you're following along. =p)

Oh, I think I just insulted my readers.

Oh, I think I just broke the 4th wall.

Shit, I've been writing in stream of consciousness from the beginning.

At this point, I might as well go back and ADD typos and spelling mistakes and such, being I seem to be breaking just about every other rule.

Ok, so.... where was I?

Right. Me. Addle-minded. Want to get back to writing. Malaise of late. Unsure why. Think it's related to returning to working and gaming after a break from both, and with mixed feelings about each. That and those stupid fucking scrotes. I re-read an entry from my journal today about scrotes from the old neighbourhood. I'm living back in the old neighbourhood. These are the next generation of scrotes. And, sadly, like the last generation of scrotes, it's unwise for me to grab them by the scruff of the neck and kick them repeatedly in the sack, as much as they so richly deserve it. A part of me feels certain that, being I'm so much smarter than they are, surely there must be some way to gain the upper hand, and have them fuck off and leave our car/house/sidewalk/visitors/garden/etc alone, for fear of me but I haven't figured out what that clever plan is yet, because my angry addled brain is still filled only with images of sack-kicking and gasoline-dousing.

Meh.

Well, surely angry-crappy-writing > no writing. Right? =/

No Promises

I've said before I'd like to get back to writing, and I would. It just doesn't seem to much develop into actually writing. I've been thinking about it an incredible lot lately, and yet it hasn't happened. I think this is for a number of reasons. Partly it's out of a fear of being misunderstood or taken out of context; I guess maybe I do have secrets worth keeping. Partly it's out of laziness or a lack of a clear subject. I think it's also partly just because what things I do want to express I haven't sorted clearly in my head.

I thought of writing about my holidays, about the scrotes in the neighbourhood I'd seriously like to kick repeatedly in the sack, about friends, about relatives, about "acid tests", about LA, about Olivia, the state of the world, the nature of politics or religion or sex, about just about anything. And I've thought about other entirely different forms of writing that might allow me self-expression while at the same time perhaps alleviating the "pressure" (note the quotes) of my more traditional forms.

And yet. Here we are. And this is all we get. =/

Hrmm.

another fold

I need to start writing again. For some time now it's been burning at the back of my mind, but a lot of the things I'd be inclined to write about were things I can't talk about for various reasons. I'm sure there are plenty I can. It's not out of anger or depression; life is pretty good. But I need to return to expressing myself, because, quite simply, it's what I do. :)

Life's Soundtrack (Subject to Change!)

Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits:	Paper Tiger - Beck
Waking up:	Once Upon a Time - The Smashing Pumpkins
Average day:	Home Life - John Mayer
First date:	Your Company - Linkin Park
Falling in love:	Love is Blindness - U2
Love scene:	Get Down, Make Love - Nine Inch Nails (cover of Queen)
Fight scene:	Ramirez - Bung
Breaking up:	Love is Not Enough - Nine Inch Nails
Getting back together:	Thumbing My Way - Pearl Jam
Secret love:	Lonesome Tears - Beck
Life's okay:	Can't Stop - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Mental breakdown:	The Final Cut - Pink Floyd
Driving:	Road Trippin' - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Learning a lesson:	In the End - Linkin Park
Deep thought:	Self Conflict - Mojo Pin
Flashback:	A Sort of Homecoming - U2
Partying:	Fur Packed Anthem - Fur Packed Action
Happy dance:	I am the Man - The Philosopher Kings
Regreting:	Ruiner - Nine Inch Nails
Long night alone:	Love Song for No One - John Mayer
Death scene:	Can't Keep - Pearl Jam
Closing credits:	Your Time Has Come - Audioslave
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A Work in Progress

I'm working on a mantra for myself. I figured I'd post it here where I can edit it as the mood strikes me, until I decide it's finalized (if ever).

My Mantra

I am the yin and the yang.
I will seek solutions while others cast blame.
I will quell hostility with tranquility.
I will meet mistrust with honesty,
frustration with compassion,
and ignorance with explanation.
I will rise to a challenge,
conquer my fears with confidence,
and become enlightened.
I am who I choose to be.