197, not much but I'm started.

Which is about as much as I can say about most everything, but I remind myself of the old expression: "Do not be afraid of moving slowly, only of standing still."

Making a good alfredo sauce is more difficult that might seem apparent. With even the simplest possible recipe as a base, getting the parmesan to not clump up is near impossible. But I'll work on it.

Plagued by anxious feelings over my finances, I sat down last night with the MUN calendar and opened the spreadsheet I made some time back to start outlining what I'd need to finish a Comp Sci degree. I started sorting through it, figuring what I did and didn't have, and then eventually picked out what I figured would have to be my 5 courses for my first semester back, this fall. I'm looking at only 2 Comp Sci courses (because they're prerequisites for so many others), a Sociology course, which I found is not classified as a science, it seems, interestingly enough, a Math course in Calculus that's sure to leave me swimming (I'm thinking of picking up the book during the summer and starting early, cause otherwise I'm going to be very very very lost.), and a Psych course in human development. I wanted to be sure to not only pick courses that would be work toward my degree in the long run, but also which will interest me in the short term. After all, I have to get back into a study mindset if I'm going to do this, and I really can't slip back in and immediately revert to half-ass about this. If I start slacking off about school, I'll remind myself how much better school is than being unemployed and broke, and remember the light at the end of the degree tunnel.

Something occurred when I was going through this process last night that was a pleasant surprise: it felt right. I've been told by so many people for so long, throughout my childhood and adult life, all about how the world (or at least my relatives) has such expectations of me. Brilliant Pat, destined to be a doctor or lawyer or whatever other cliche all the genius people gravitate towards. And I've always worn that expectation like a horrible yoke. But this return to school isn't about what I am or am not supposed to do, like it was in the past. This time it'll be about me. It'll be about what I want and what I need.

Today I went for my appointment at the bank, where my financial woes were fixed, at least for the time being, and should remain stable until school starts in the fall. Needless to say, this was an enormous burden off my adled mind, and I might even sleep tonight. :P What's left is to square away some bills tomorrow, get the rest of my stuff moved when I'm able, and look for work to tide myself over in the meantime. Oh, and of course to complete and submit the necessary paperwork, get a jump on what books will be used and consider picking them up early. Oh! And I also came up with an interesting idea. There were a few courses MUN wouldn't give me transfer credit from TUNS for, despite my arguing the point. Perhaps if I can get the books, over the spring and summer I could read up and do a "challenge for credit". That might likewise put me a few courses ahead, if it's possible, and might even change my fall lineup.

Free at 200.

Slept at Dad's the past two nights. At home. They say home is where you hang your hat, but in my case it's where I hang my Yin-Yang mobile, and now it hangs in the very same bedroom I grew up in. My bedroom is set up. The den is set up. The internet is hooked up. The kitchen his half-stocked - sufficiently enough that I can cook supper this evening, and perhaps tomorrow or Saturday walk to the Sobey's with a list of what else it needs.

I'll be adjusting my diet somewhat to match what Dad can and can't eat, but I think that's an excellent thing. Dad's diet is restricted by the fact that he's a diabetic. My brother is a diabetic as well. I'm sure it's in my blood (har har) so I might as well start eating that way now, by choice, rather than later, by lack of choice. It'll give me (hopefully) years to get used to it before it becomes imperative.

Today I weight 200 pounds. I'll get back to you later on that. ;)

I'm going to be more aggressive about job-searching once I've settled in, and I'm looking at going back to school in the fall. I think I finally have to break down and apply for the shit job I've been avoiding applying for for ages now, just for the money. Even if I find a regular good gig, I'd still consider night courses starting in the fall. I'd also like to get my driver's license again at some point. I'd like to ideally own a house and car before I hit 40. In the past few years I've noticed a very strong change in myself in a lot of ways, and one of them is that I've spent a lot more time considering life goals, and thinking long-term. I hope I can continue to do so, and in positive, progressive ways. :)

Right now, as I type this, Nora Jones is gently crooning in the background, a tune whose lyrics I don't really care for, but the sound of her melodic voice is very soothing. The CD changer is loaded with at least 3 of the 5 CDs being ones I'd not have played with Dave around, as it's not his sort of music. That's not a slight against Dave; we simply selected our music according to the overlap of our musical tastes as roommates often do, but here with Dad seldom around and certainly not in the computer room, I now have a musical freedom available to me I've not had in a while. When I first arrived I loaded it with 5 CDs of Marilyn Manson, which Dave can't stand. Tomorrow perhaps I'll listen to my entire BNL collection. I know, I know, I could play whatever I wanted during the day when he wasn't around, but... I don't know, it's somehow different. This is Dad's house just as much as Dave's is Dave's, but this feels somehow like my place in a way that Dave's never could.

And I love my new room and computer room. I can't wait until the last few items are in and set up. I might even have to take pictures. (I'd throw on the web cam and take shots of this room now, but my shirt came off a while ago when I was putting the desk together, and I'm not the kind of guy that looks better with his shirt off than on... yet. :) )

Speaking of which, there's still work to be done! I have to find some of the pictures that have gone astray in the move and hang them.

Goddamn, my new bedroom looks good, and this room too. I mean really. Really goddamn good.

Da-amn.